To be clear, this is in no way a post bashing women for not being able to live up to some unrealistic expectations. This applies to men too and I recognize everyone’s situation is different. I’m just speaking about my personal experience and conveying that if you’re truly interested in someone as much as you claim to be, show it.
Dating as an adult has it pros and cons. (It’s been somewhat of a Catch 22.) On my journey for romance, I’ve been noticing a few differences in dating in your (very) late versus early 20s. At this point, the majority of the women I go out with are mid 20s and up, finished with school, and in their careers. All great aspects and reflect where I’m at myself, but there has been a slight downside to this. It’s hard as hell to fit in their “busy” schedules. Which never seemed to be an issue several years ago. As long as it wasn’t during exams you were usually good, and even then there were still study dates. Even fresh out of undergrad I didn’t run into this issue that much.
For the most part, I agree with the cliche that you make time for what/who you want to. I know it’s not necessarily a very fair assessment to make in general, but you would have to agree that it holds some truth. In today’s modern world where we have considerably more leisure time on hand, everyone is busier than ever before because…reasons. Not having to plant and harvest or hunt and kill your every meal frees up a lot of time. Not to mention you used to have to physically go to a library and read a book anytime you needed to learn something. (Dear Lord, how did people figure out who that one guy was? Did people just know who people were back then?)
People probably have more free time than they think because I’m willing to bet most of what they fill their time up with is leisure. Think about it, on your job are you really working for 8 hrs straight? Outside of work how much time do you spend chilling on the couch watching TV, scrolling through Instagram, Googling who that one guy from that one movie is? Point being, if you really want to do something, most likely you have 30 minutes to an hour to carve out of your week for it with minimal effort.
Women I deal with must be Fortune 500 CEOs let their schedules tell it. They seem to always have something going on that makes going out impossible. It’s like every working woman stereotype in the first act of Rom Coms. And I get it, I can’t just expect you to free yourself up whenever I want you to. Especially considering we don’t even know each other that well yet. On the other hand, how are we going to get to know each other if we never have to time to connect? It’s always seems to be something going on that prevents the opportunity to go out. And I know what you’re thinking, “sounds like you’re getting curved.” And to that I say, shut your face. I’ve factored in for that variable (trust my science is on point) and I’m only considering women who showed a legit interest in me. Although, sometimes it can be tricky to tell if you’re being strung along for whatever reason or if they’re truly just “too busy.”
For example, once upon a time not long ago (where people wore pajamas and lived life slow) I was approached by a young lady. She claimed she wanted to go out, but yet was always too busy despite not really having anything going on. It felt I was getting curved so I fell back, but she consistently hit me up. This continued for some odd months until it eventually died out. It was a bit confusing but sometime later we did end up dating. So there’s that I guess.
Women I deal with currently are not quite as perplexing and I know more of what they have going on. I understand because things I do for my career extend outside of standard business hours too. Throw in other goals and that chips away even more time. My clock seems to be on fast-forward when I get off work and it getting dark before 6pm doesn’t help.
In an effort to instill discipline within myself, I too have to pass on dates and other activities sometimes. Much of my youth was wasted, and while still young, I don’t have much time left to wait around if I want to achieve my goals. Yet still I can find at least an hour a week to physically spend time with someone if I’m at least remotely interested. And of course the more more time you spend with someone, the better you get to know them, and the easier you find it to fit them in your life.
So to my career women, I definitely get it, but if you’re truly interested in getting to know someone, try to make a little space for them. Don’t let it go over a month without seeing him or he might take that as hint to get lost even if you don’t mean it to.