I will not conform to you ways. I will not fake who I am to make you more comfortable. I will not soften my features, whimper and cower like a puppy to make myself more approachable for you. You walk around with a scowl daily, only brightening up for those you deem worthy, so what is wrong with my demeanor? Why must I be friendlier when I already am known to be pleasant guy? Do I intimidate you? I am tired of being the forgotten child. You walk by me daily as if I do not exist. You are my superior it should not be my job to make myself open to you, but you to me. I watch as you stop by all the desks next to mine and yet somehow skip over me consistently. Somehow a small caucasian woman sticks out more than the sole black man in the department. I will no longer beg for your attention, I’ve been left to my own devices since day 1 and that is fine by me. I’ll proceed down my own path even if that leads me to stray away from yours. Because who are you to tell me what to do when you don’t even tell me what to do? I’ve been seeking guidance since I’ve entered this new role and yet you provide none. It’s as if you hired me to show diversity but with no real plans for me to fulfill the requirements of my position. You show favoritism and prepped your buddy to do my job so why am I here? Every assignment that was meant for me was taken off my plate and given to her with nothing to replace it. So no, I will not sacrifice who I am to appease whatever you feel I should be. If you cannot reach out to me as I am then I will no longer concern myself with reaching back to you.
Dee Z. Nuhtz