Dating Grown: We All Pick Up Some Baggage Over Time

Initially this post was subtitled “Time is of the Essence” and I intended to discuss how I don’t have as much time to play around now that I’m older.  How my dating game is much more intentional.  So women are on a schedule and after ‘X’ amount of time, if it doesn’t look like it’s moving in the direction I want, then it’ll be time to cut them off so as to free up my resources to pour into someone/something else.  But recent events have provided a change in theme of sorts.

I still feel that way to a degree, but I guess not as callous as I my initial post would have made it seem.  What sparked the change is due to a particular woman that I’m quite smitten with.  Not solely because I’m so infatuated it’s hard to let go but also because of a conversation we had in which she opened up about having some emotional baggage that she’s worried is making her come off more distant than she intends.  Baggage that she’s working on letting go.  And no this conversation did not end with her breaking things off because “she needed time to work on herself.”  It was more of a notice on why things had been developing at the rate they were.  Don’t know how things will turn out, but the key thing for now is that we are still in the process of moving forward, even if it’s at a slower pace than I would like.

Which leads to what I want to talk about, baggage.  A stigma given to damaged folks, but everybody has some sort of baggage that defines how we develop our relationships with others.  True some more severe than others, but everyone none the less.

I’m no expert but I’m willing to bet that to some extent the amount of baggage one holds is relative.  I think back to younger days and how I cited the reason for breaking things off with a girl to her emotional issues.  Though true that she had some, in reality they were not that grave nor hindering the relationship.  In fact, it was my baggage that did the damage.

Looking back, I realize just how minuscule her issues were and how easy it would have been to overcome if I was just willing to do a little work.  But I’m thankful that with age comes (ideally better) perspective and I’m able to see the forest from the trees.  These days I understand we all have our hangups and just how big of a deal it is depends on the person.

My most recent ex and I parted ways due to her own baggage getting in her way.  It was blatantly obvious what some of it was (I don’t want to put her issues out there like that) and I would wager to say counseling worthy.  I’m not sure what the rest of it was and how directly it related to the piece I was aware of.  I may never know, but I hope she’s able to unpack it all someday.  I was willing to work, she wasn’t, and that’s fine.

With this current object of my affection, I don’t know how acute her issues are yet and once again I may never find out.  It all depends on how things progress.  All I know is she’s been worth it enough to me to be as patient as I have, and as long as we’re moving forward, I’m willing to see it out a bit further.

Not saying that I’m  going to wait forever but there is a saying that anything worth having is worth the wait.  I realize I had been trying to put a rush on things, something that hasn’t worked out so well for me in the past, so I should just cool it now (sloooowww it down).

As adults, we’ve all have had plenty of time to become a bit worn in certain regards, just like any item that ages.  Maybe some of us have been hurt more than others but either way the passage of time lays its hands on us all in someway.  At this point it has healed wounds for some of us and for others it has created the opportunity to open new ones.  We all come with our own set of baggage that puts us all at our own speed and I think it would pay to show some understanding of that.  If things don’t work out, they don’t work out, but you owe it to yourself and the other person to at least allow proper time to work and see what develops.



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