Internal Conflict: Where Do I Go From Here?

Bo! Work has been rough this week!  Not that it has been particularly busy or anything.  Matter of fact, I haven’t done much at all.  One day I had my door closed and was on my phone so long that I forgot I was at work.  I opened my door and looked at one of my co-workers like “the heck you doing in my house?”

This week I’ve just been having a hard time focusing because I really don’t feel like being here right now.

Let me back up a little and explain what puts me such a lackluster mood.  This past weekend I assisted some friends of mine with an event.  A few years ago, they had this really dope idea for a blog and finally followed through.  It’s cooking related (won’t go into the details yet but expect me to start plugging it soon) and they held a brunch to kick it off.  As just a quick summary of the event, it was mad dope.  The food was slammin’, the people were dope, and the conversations riveting.  A lot of great content and ideas emerged from this weekend, some of which I hope leads to interesting pieces from myself.  It was just a really fly to witness friends pursue their passion firsthand.

I get back home from this awe inspiring weekend, gassed up with passion and inspiration, and then I have to spend most of my waking hours at this job that I don’t too much care about.  So I’ve just been kind of like “meh” at work all week.  I’ve actually been mad busy post work, with fun/productive stuff, that’s kept me from being able to catch up my reading/writing in the evenings. So now I just been holding all this extra resentment for my job because I’d rather be doing the aforementioned activities during work hours.  Which has me questioning, “do I just take a leap of faith now?”

I like the overall field I’m in and have passion for it, albeit not as strong as my desire to be a writer, but it’s up there.  I even see the avenues to align the two.  Problem being that right now I’m stuck in a generic analytical position and distant from what I would rather be doing in terms of my current career field.  So lately I’ve been kind of conflicted on what move to make.

Although not a huge fan of my current position, truth is, the pay is good and it’s very, very flexible.  In addition, I just found out they will pay for a couple of classes for me a year.  I should have went to school for journalism but punked out and took the business school route.  Thought about going back but am not to sure I can afford it (student loans already have my first born child).  So in this current position, I have the opportunity to take some classes for free, as long as the work with my schedule.

But on the other end, I find it really tough to come in to this job everyday, feel my growth is stagnated, and am ready for a change.  In regards to this career field, there are paths that I’m really passionate about and would love to pursue.  I would be happier job wise but may lose the perks of flexibility and free classes (depending on where I go).  So I’m concerned if change jobs right now, it might take me further away from my pen game.

The third option is to say eff it all together and just go back to school for journalism/creative writing.  But once again, loans and bills. So part of me is saying that’s a bit too extreme.

I want to and am going to continue to pursue my passion, but I’m just a bit stuck on how to best move forward right now and what to focus my energy on most.

Should I suck it up at my job for a bit longer?  Should I go ahead and make a job change in my current career field? Or should I take a big leap of faith right now? (Should I stay? Should I go? I don’t knoooow)

Decisions man.



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