Dating Grown: Rejection, We’ve All Been On Both Sides

Look, we all have certain wants and requirements of a significant other.  Nothing wrong with that.  So if you get turned down for something you deem small or petty, take a second to think about how you may have done the same.

For example, maybe a woman wants someone who weighs 200 lbs and you’re at 220.  You hit the gym but she’s really adamant about wanting someone who is already there.  It feels like “Dang, I mean I ain’t there but I’m working on it, you can’t give me credit for that? That seems hella petty.”

And sometimes it can be, but let’s be honest, at the “get to know you” stage, no one owes you ish.  And to keep it 100 with yourself, you may never reach 200 lbs (which is fine).  Point being, nobody has to spend their time giving you a chance to maybe meet their standards if they don’t want to.

People are on different levels with various aspects of their lives, and sometimes a person might want someone who matches them.  And, with some exceptions, it’s OK because you probably do the same.  Think about it, you might be mad at a woman for turning you down for being too overweight for her standards, but odds are you’ve done the same.  Maybe not directly, but you’ve probably looked at a woman and thought, “nah she’s too big for me.”  So get over yourself.

Or maybe you’re at a certain level in your career and not interested in dating someone who’s not what you would consider up to par.  You don’t owe it to anyone to have to wait out their potential as they work their way up from the proverbial mail room.

The aforementioned examples are just a small sample of the standards we create for potential mates but in the situation that inspires this post, it’s faith.

Me and this young lady got along well and had a pretty solid date.  Yet sometime later she decided that she did not want to move forward because she wanted someone whom she considered a faith leader and felt I wasn’t (I’m not).  It stung at first and I, and some of my friends, felt she was being trivial.

“I mean I’m not a terrible person, not a role model Christian, but who is?  I go to church, that’s where we met.  I partake in a bit of debauchery but am toning it down, and she’s not aware of that anyway.  She only knows me through church.  I’m a great guy, working on being better who hasn’t really given you anything to say that I’m not Christianly, so how could you turn me down for that?  She didn’t even give me enough time to fully determine that.”

At least those were the initial thoughts until I took a moment to breathe and really think about it.  She is very clearly much more involved in the church than I.  I may not have given her anything to show I’m a heathen, but I haven’t given her anything to show I’m a faith leader either.  She’s constantly working on strengthening her faith so it makes sense to want her significant other to be on at least the same level if not higher.  I can even relate.

As I mentioned earlier, I’m trying to be a better person, not necessarily just a better Christian but religion set many of my moral standards.  During a time where I was trying to strengthen my faith, I dated a girl who was moving in the opposite direction.  She still identified as a Christian but for whatever reason felt the church had failed her and thus backed away from it.  Thus I found myself moving away from the church during our time together.  Not blaming her at all, I take responsibility for my decisions.  Just highlighting that if you’re with someone who is on a different end of the spectrum than you, it’s possible that you may find yourself sliding closer to their side as opposed to them to yours.  And to be honest, it’s not really your obligation pull them closer to yours.  If you feel they’re not where you need them to be from jump, then there’s nothing wrong with keeping it moving.  Which is why I completely understand this young lady’s reason for not allowing things to go any further than they had.

Folk tend to only think of why someone is a fool to pass them up, but never why they could be a fool to pass on others.  Keeping that in mind should make it easier to swallow rejection.  People want what people want, and if that’s not you then you have to say “bump it” and keep it moving.

Rejection is like a paper cut, it stings but ultimately  it’s not all that bad.  Just put some alcohol on that bih (most definitely not a reference to drink the pain away…know what?  Let’s just say peroxide.)  Put some peroxide on it and just let that bih breathe.  Before you know, you’ll have forgotten about it and  the quicker you’re over it, the quicker you can move on to the next.  Just remember to be comfortable with and love yourself and know that there are a ton of people out there whose expectations you exceed.  Let’s hope they meet yours as well.


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